Monday, August 31, 2020

Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire

 Jordan Bradt:  This was one of my favorite DCOM movies when I was younger.  I loved vampires, and I loved Sabrina.  "Aunt Hilda" from Sabrina stars as a the mom.  This was a spookier movie, and it wasn't on all that often, so when the Disney Channel did play it, I was riveted in front of the television set.

I'm not 13 anymore, and alas, it didn't quite live up to my expectations.  It was still a pretty cool movie, and I think its great for preteens who want something a little scarier than normal, but not too scary.  Its a Halloween movie for kids.  

Of course, I had some issues with it...

1. Malachi Van Helsing sucks.  It takes him forever to cast a finding spell to point him in the right direction.  He was driving around for hours.  He didn't think to do it earlier?  Then when he actually battles the vampire, he's knocked out easily.  Not to mention that he and the vampire are in the same grocery store, and he somehow doesn't see him.  

2. Van Helsing is like a weird version of Dean Winchester from Supernatural.  The outfit, the job, the car... Did the Supernatural people see this movie and decide to make Van Helsing 100 times cooler?  I don't get why Mom and Van Helsing even "hit it off" at the end.  Is Mom desperate for companionship?  (Not the vibe I got during the beginning of the movie.) She doesn't even know him.  How is she not still reeling from the fact that her boyfriend was an actual vampire?

3. Speaking of Mom...I LOVED her story in this.  Strong, single woman power!  She is rocking it as a single mom (even if she does make a couple mistakes, but we're all human and they are believable).  She is an ex-rocker, and when she takes the stage, she comes into her own.  She remembers who she is and she SHINES!  She even turns down the vampire before he entrances her because she's remembering how much she loves herself.  I was cheering for her.

4. I don't remember the vampire dude's name.  The closed captioning was even on and I kept reading his name, but whatever.  He wants to entrance a woman to be his bride forever (I guess), but he and the mom don't get along.  He's continuously put off by her and disgusted.  He doesn't share any of her interests.  Is that really who he wants to spend eternity with?  Wouldn't you rather have someone you got along with?

5. Why do these single parents in Disney movies have grand houses?!  What kind of job did Mom have that she could afford that mansion in a nice neighborhood?  

6. Why are the kids always upper middle class?  I can remember never relating to them, and I still can't relate to them.  Why weren't any of the kids poor?

\7. Duffy, the boy's best friend, was so annoying.  What exactly did he do to be a good best friend?

8. Last, but not least, why was it okay for the little brother to run off with Van Helsing?  Van Helsing should have taken him back home.  Instead, he drove around with him for hours looking for the vampire and sharing a sandwich.  I don't mean tearing a sandwich in half.  Van Helsing took a bite and then the little boy bit into the same area.  Creeper alert!

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